“Why am I in a writing program when everything I write sucks?”
I am well acquainted with a blank document. Typing a few words and then immediately deleting them because they didn’t sound right was a vicious cycle I always found myself in when given a writing task. I could spend hours working on an essay with no visible progress because nothing was good enough to keep on the page. I was stuck in this vicious writing cycle for my entire university career and when I graduated, I finally felt free.
After being away from school for a couple of years, I decided that I wasn’t done learning, and began looking into post-graduate programs. When I came across this program, it seemed like the perfect fit; it offered the skill development that I needed for all the cool jobs I wasn’t qualified for before, it was easily accessible by TTC, and it was only a year long. There was just one thing that I was hesitant about, I didn’t consider myself a writer. I rarely felt excited about writing a piece, I was never comfortable with people reading what I had written, and I feared I would fall back into my vicious writing cycle. I decided to apply anyway and got in.
At the beginning of the program, I felt like an outcast in a room of confident and talented writers. I’m not a writer, why am I here? At times, I could feel myself falling back into the vicious writing cycle that I was stuck in when I was in university. There were many times during this program that I would ask myself, “why am I in a writing program when everything I write sucks?” Despite my doubts, I continued working through the program.
Sometime during the program, without realizing, that deep feeling of doubt I had with my writing began to fade. I found myself excited by writing tasks. I was open and willing to get feedback from my classmates. Instead of being intimidated by my classmates’ talent, I valued their skills and knowledge, and used their feedback to elevate my work. I found myself seeking meaningful feedback from my instructors to improve my work. For the first time ever, I had pieces that I was excited to share.
Without realizing it, I had developed confidence in my writing.
As much as I have learned in the classroom, I have learned a lot outside of the classroom as well. Being in this program has changed my approach to writing and has helped me get out of my vicious writing cycle. It has helped me become confident in my writing. I learned that every sentence I write does not have to be perfect the first time I write it. Editing is an invaluable tool to help me get out of my vicious writing cycle. Most importantly, I learned how much I enjoy using writing to connect with people. This desire to connect with an audience through my writing has given me purpose and direction.
To the self conscious writer who entered this program in September, I say, you have no idea how much you will grow in the upcoming months. The assignments, your instructors and your classmates will give you the experience you need to build confidence in your writing.
You will leave this program, a writer.